Letter to an old friend in California

This is a letter to an old friend who was in the PhD program in Biology at UCSD with me. He was meant to stay, I was not. He was actually passionate about science and he was a inspiration to me of what is possible in our careers as well as life. Anyway, the letter summarizes my view of life since then:

I remember how we used to go out for dinner after a long day in the lab and I found myself wanting to talk to you about life and love and all that while you were content to talk about the exciting research experiments you were working on. This also woke me up to how you were where you needed to be while I was in need of something different if I was to ever be true to myself. You may remember how I was reading "The Road Less Traveled" back then too and this was also a great influence.

Anyway what I have come to further realize was that my priorities of importance were 1. Relationships 2. Love 3. Personal peace 4. Learning/experiencing (in no particular order) meanwhile way low on my totem pole was importance in Science/Technology. I only went to UCSD to 1. prove to myself that I could get in 2. to give myself a new adventure (i love being a student too) 3. And also I believed that with a PhD I could enjoy being a teacher at the university level...but once I got to UCSD I realized that a PhD would always focus on research rather than teaching and that I really didn't want to teach Science anyway. :)

So with my new awareness of my priorities (see above) I went and got engaged to my long time girl friend Sonja. I wanted to spend the rest of my 20's living with and supporting her. My feelings were that no career I could think of yet would ever be more important than my relationships. Career, after all, in my estimation was just a way we make money and find Identity in our society. I was challenging myself a lot (and still am) to define what success means to me personally....Relationships, honesty, care for the other, responsibility, and openness to experience to allow each day to be full....or this is what I have come up with so far :)

Ok so back in Seattle I started again working in the Hepatitis C virus lab at UW that I used to be in, and crazily enough have kept working here up to the present! So I have the past 4.5 years been in a lab nevertheless, oh the irony is killing me now...haha. I had to make money and I had a great boss here too. The lab tech position also allowed me to take psychology courses for free at UW so I could slowly work toward all the prerequisites necessary for a Masters program.

At the Crisis Line I have been volunteering once a week for 3 years answering crisis calls. The initial education I received there blew my mind. They were teaching how to be a caring, responsible, human being that holds back judgment. I believe Jesus would have taught some similar classes. :) But what I really enjoyed too was learning how to communicate, and listen. It sounds pretty basic right? But soooo important.

You John are already an amazing listener as I remember. You gave a lot to everyone. Do you remember when Ravi (sp?) overdosed and we brought him to your room that first month we were in classes...Lake Arrowhead I believe. That was an amazing time. You were very concerned and yet cool about it and for that I was proud of you. I almost expected you to go get some medical help which I would have been very proud of you for that too because lord knows we were all walking a fine line between getting Ravi in trouble and keeping him alive. Man what luck that he awoke...I still remember, it was just as I was trying to get him to take a drink of water from a glass. Poor guy had some issues he was running from. I wonder what happened to him? You know? I haven't talked to Max K. either. I wonder how he is.

Before sonja and I married we went for 3 weeks to Thailand...scuba dived and explored the north country. Amazing experience. Sonja is now graduated from her program, she was in medical school. She has always inspired me her work ethic and how happy she is. She is a family physician so she does several things but her favorite seems to be delivering babies.

For several years I have found myself kinda floating on and experiencing each of my days best as I could. I guess I have been kinda lazy compared to so many i know. This makes me kinda guilty but I also feel that I am living my life rather than trying to be "successful." However, this past month my psychology program has actually been the busiest time in my life! I usually am pretty proud that I have been able to have ample time for friends and family rather than work, but being in this program has revealed that I need to challenge myself too if I am really going to be alive. I am feeling very passionate about psychology work though. I have chosen what is right for me right now. In 10 years I will probably want to learn something else. I am open to whatever my heart needs I guess.